I have a confession to make.  They tell me it’s the important first step.  I am an addict.  Oh I know, you never think it can happen to you!  It starts so innocently, first just a taste, then another.  Then your consumption rises, you find that you need it more and more, you make sure you are stocked up, the mere thought of running out fills you with dread. Before you know what has hit you, its all over!  You want to break the cycle, you think of the 12 step deal..I’ve done the first one, but  that means that there are 11 to go.  They won’t make me quit, will they??  That could not possibly be step 2, could it???  What  a  horrible thought!!  By the way, I’m talking of course, about those devilish little Ice Breaker mints, the ones in the check out line of all the grocery and drug stores.  What the fuck is in these things, have they finally figured out to market crack to us??   My ‘drug of choice’ happens to be the Wintergreen ones in the green box…now exactly what did YOU think I was talking about??   Never mind, I don’t want to know….

Not too long ago, with the usual breathless hyperventilating from the talking heads, dancing elephants, fireworks,  100 gazillion emails, and constant media coverage of folks with more time than brains camping out in front of assorted stores, an electronics company came out with a new telephone.  That’s all it is, I hate to break the news to you… especially if you missed the birth of your son, or death of your mother if you happened to be living in front of the local Best Buy waiting for those golden doors to open.  And no, I’m not being my usual flippant  self.  Do you think that 3 years from now, in the grand scheme of  the breakneck speed of this technology the latest  electronic bauble from Apple  will be looked at as anything but this?  Exactly!

The other part of this equation is just as predictable, as those who paid the absolute highest price this gadget will EVER sell for also encountered was…it does not work.  OK, it “works”, just not the way it worked when the geeks tested it out in the Ivory Tower emblazoned with “Apple Technologies”.  Not to mention its  $500, ok, $499 price tag. And the days lost waiting in line, fucking with the thing to get it to work at all, the learning curve, etc.  Why???  In the world of electronics, being king of the mountain, either as the  manufacturer or  the consumer is about as meaningful as being the first lemming over the cliff, the glory is fleeting at best.  Me?  I’ll wait until 1- the bugs are out of it, 2- all the bells and whistles are added, and 3-its below $99..or at that.  You know, a few weeks from now.

Well, on day whatever the fuck day it was, BP capped its never should have been drilled in the firs place well.  Of course, it’s leaking, hey, what do you want from a company who bragged about all the profits it makes, all the politicians it buys, all the inspection reports it filled out itself and then had their Bush appointed government lackeys sign off on?  I can hear it now….”…And BP, your doing a hell of a job”.  Probably from the dufus  Governor of Miss, who up until recently was squealing and bleating, “ain’t no oil here on these beaches, no-sirr-ree Bob.” And this gem:  “It ain’t no worse than a slick at a marina.”  This is a Gulf state Governor, for fucks sake!!!  OK, he’s a Republican but so what???  Can you  believe this elected official is saying shit like that??  You do know, of course, that not one penny of that 20 billion has been committed, right?  I keep waiting to hear something, ANYTHING, any sort of a sign, a damn HINT, that there is the slightest bit of collective will to actually, finally, MAYBE grow a tiny bit of national spine, bite some sort of shared bullet, and reduce our dependence on not just foreign oil, but oil use in general.  Look, I’m not an idiot, and most folks aren’t either.  We know that this is a petroleum based world, we know that, we get it.  And that a replacement for all the plastics, carbon fiber, all the countless things that our modern society needs is not on the horizon.  That’s even MORE reason to stop pissing it all away by burning it up!!!  And Ethanol is not the answer, Indy car guys I love you but we can’t grow our fuel, that’s why the price of corn has gone thru the roof.

Christ, this is not rocket science!  We really don’t have to invent a whole hell of a lot, go here:  http://www.excellatron.com and here http://www.johnsonems.com Google Lonnie Johnson, BTW, he’s a black man. Ponder that, tea baggers/birthers, and he just may have the answer to our energy problems.  When I saw him on CNN he mentioned that he could finish his battery project for less that 5 million dollars. That’s probably about what we spend on toilet paper for our puppet stooge Afghan presidential palace’s toilets a year.  Of course, we will need to build a power grid for the crash building program for the wind farms and solar cells we can build.  Talk about a jobs program, THIS is what the country needs!!  And… this needs to be nationalized, sorry, Energy is too important to be left to ‘free markets’, see Enron, BP, etc. for further clarification.  Regardless, this can be done…but we need the will to do it.  I’m not holding my breath, why do I think that our national energy “policy” (LOL) will continue to be a combination of “lets drill, lets invade, and lets not regulate the poor oil companies too much?”

In the ‘you can’t make this shit up’ department, I bring you a 38 year old guy from Malta, Idaho…and I LOVE saying “I-da_ho”, who got two citations for keeping 25 rattlesnakes in a 5 gal. bucket in his apartment.   Sort of like parking tickets then, right?  He got cited for parking rattlesnakes in his apartment.  See, I think like, “what if I get up in the middle of the night, still completely shitfaced stumble to the kitchen……and you know what happens next, right?  “Oh FUCK, I forgot I left it there!!!!”  Then…you only find….19…or….21….or in my case it would be…”now, how many DID I put in there???” Actually, no, it would not be, because as fucking nuts as I can be, who the hell can be that crazy, right? It turns out that he did have 32, but he gave some away, and he ate two of them.  Now that’s one way to keep the old food bill down, isn’t it?  And ya’ gotta wonder, he told the cops that he gave some away…wonder what the occasion was?  The best bud’s birthday gift?  I know, Mom and Dad’s 50th anniversary …it’s the thought that counts that’s what they say!  Maybe to his favorite stripper in the local strip club, in lieu of a dollar for a dance well done?  Wait, I know, he brought one to a potluck…OK, I’ll stop now.  Notice that any reference to a wife has been left out here, you just  know this is a single guy.   So ladies, the next time your significant other drags whatever home with him, just remember, whatever the hell it is, what its NOT is a bucket of rattlesnakes being plopped down in the middle of your living room, yes, it could be worse, so quit yer bitchin’!

King of the Outlaws

Well, it’s the middle of summer, its hot, and its getting hotter.  The racing season is in full swing, the WOO (that’s World of Outlaws) teams are crisscrossing the country, racing hard, banging wheels, crashing,  thrilling crowds across the land.   The ‘month of money’ has begun…and…like birds flying south for the winter, leaves falling off the trees in Oct…this means that around this time, the big dog starts to stir.  Maybe not quite as intense as in years past, after all, when you were 58 three years ago, and are 56 this year, no matter how you cut it, its harder than it used to be when you whipped ‘em all for decades on end.  But…the facts are…that  the ‘King of the Outlaws’, the greatest dirt racer and sprint car chauffeur of all time, Steve Kinser just won the Kings Royal.  Again, for the 7th time!!  He is sitting 2nd in points, and all in all is having a great year.  It’s all leading up to the one event that everyone has on their mind, if you are into this great sport, that is.   We just call it “the Nationals”, and this year, finally, I’m getting back to the big show, the 50th Knoxville Nationals…WHHOOOHOOO!!  Finally, a real vacation, (and running cross country in moving trucks is not a vacation, trust me on this!)  Dirt in the eyes night after night, eating buffalo burgers during the day, getting hammered at the Dingus Lounge,  seeing cars from every corner of the country, and drivers from Canada, New Zealand, South Africa, Australia who knows where else.  Bonuses of the 360 nationals and a USAC non winged show thrown in for good measure, and all in the middle of the heartland, middle of nowhere actually!  I cannot wait!!   And if Kinser can pull this off,  if the big dog has one more of these in the tank…there are no words for it, that’s for sure…Just qualifying is a big deal.  One year a guy towed down from Alaska….came all the way from Alaska to turn his arms into kindling wood just trying to qualify for this race.  Yes, it’s a real big deal, and it’s special, for sure.

I might get another column up before we take off, we shall c.  If I don’t, enjoy summer, stay safe, and I will talk to you soon… Bye for now, Angie

Once again, its been way too long since I have plopped my ass down and attempted to bang out some semi-coherent thoughts here. I’m going to shameless place the blame on…computers! You see, its getting easier and easier to do everything! Its soooo much easier to upload video and video clips than in the old days….3 years ago. Of course, because of that, now you have to upload to, say 20 places online,  where before you just had to work with one or two.  And speaking of videos, they are soooo much easier to edit, of course, now you have to edit the hell out of them.  Websites are sooo much easier to build….and everyone expects more bells and whistles because of that.  You get it, right? Life is sooo much easier we could all just scream!!!  And why the hell can’t all of the computer geeks of Microsoft and Mozilla get together and build one decent browser for us??

Well, the world cup is upon us…..and do you really give a shit? Me neither. I’m sorry, I have tried, believe me, but I just can’t get into it. Its boring, it drags, there is no action, no strategy, I could go on and on. I think one of the things that really bugs me is the  whole idea that anyone can do it. That, gurgles the zealots, is the whole point, and on that, I totally agree, oh yes it is the whole point!  I remember what Gary Bettenhausen, hard charging  son of the late, great Indy car driver Tony Bettenhausen once said, at a mile dirt track race; “this is supposed to be fucking hard, its supposed to be damn tough to do…..the day some clown can come down out of the stands and do what I do is the day I will quit driving these cars.”  And that’s the point with us as a country, I think. We admire things that not everyone can do. We enjoy marveling at the Peyton Manning’s, Joe Montana’s and Dan Marino’s, standing coolly  in the pocket with chaos all around them, then throwing a ball 70 yards down the field, and then marvel at the Marvin Harrison’s, Jerry Rice, Andre Reed’s  of the NFL making these impossible grabs.  We enjoy seeing packs of cars inches apart at Talladega, stand in awe by the fence with open wheeled Indy cars streaking by at 230 MPH,  smile at Steve Kinser making impossible moves at a ½ mile dirt track, cheer grand slam home runs, THESE  are the things we collectively enjoy!  And some of us do make the sacrifices to compete at all levels of those sports the best we can.  Because all of the above require a whole lot of sacrifice, at all levels of competition, even at the very grass roots. Sacrifice of  time, of blood, sweat and hard earned treasure, and sometimes, at some tragic moments, more yet is demanded. We admire this, we get it, it’s who we are, its in our collective DNA. The sport of Soccer seems to glorify the primitive, the easy, the “anyone can do this, we are all equal” mantra. You can’t even use your hands, what sort of fucking sport is that?    Heaven forbid that some of the competitors might have progressed to simple tool making! I just don’t think we buy into the “so simple a caveman can do it” mentality. So while the rest of the world watches breathlessly while Botswana and Litchinstine battle to a 0-0 score, I will be watching paint dry. Or at least something with more action. Yes  I know, another snobbish, arrogant  American,  tough shit, so sue me!!

Just read a report from a on the scenes shrimp boat captain who says BP is burning Sea Turtles and Dolphins alive.  And it’s like….I’m sort of numb to it. Not that I would not cheer if  the management of BP was set on fire using crude oil as the proverbial “accelerant”…but its like one outrageous thing after another, and we have come to expect that from this hideous, amoral, global criminal enterprise cloaked in a corporate shield.  No, I am not surprised, there is truly no depth of behavior that they will sink to.  However…I will tell you what  HAS  surprised me, and that is the number of Republicans and their lackeys who’s noses are so incredibly brown, from having them constantly shoved up big oil’s ass.  Not to mention their lunatic fringe allies known as the Tea Party.  From Ron Paul’s “I think BP is getting a bad deal here”, Michelle Bachman worried that poor BP  might be “forced to pay bogus claims”.  You know, filed by those greedy gold digging gulf fisherman and those who support them who’s lives BP has destroyed, from assorted heads of the tea party defending BP, from the imbecile who is governor of Mississippi comparing the destruction of the Gulf to an oil slick in a marina, to the spokesman of the Republican party bashing everything the government is attempting to do daily on his radio show, culminating in the spectacle of the Stooge from Texas apologizing to BP  Live on worldwide TV,  and of course, the twit from Alaska blabbering to the Gop “don’t  let the media call your defense of BP….well, defending BP.”  Yes, I admit, I did not see this coming, the political party that runs about half the country defending a foreign owned multi-national corporation that is destroying about ¼ of the country.  Silly me, I thought they actually gave a shit about the country, would put the country above the almighty dollar, what a hoot!!!   The Democrats hands are covered with slimy, snotty oil as well.  The retired senate powerhouse from Louisiana, John Breaux is now a lobbyist for big oil, selling  his ass for 30 pieces of silver, doing his Master’s bidding on assorted news channels.  And this sleazebag is FROM  Louisiana !!  This is all so surrealistic.  I (obviously very naively) thought, “finally something that can unite us to finally do SOMETHING about the fact that as a nation and society we are completely tied to a petroleum based way of life.  And that really can’t be changed overnight, in some ways it can’t be changed, as we do not have the technology to move completely beyond fossil fuels for everything we need them for.  I get that, and that is reality!  BUT….we can certainly do a whole lot more with wind, with solar energy, geo-thermal, cars can be made much more efficient, etc.  The thing is, none of this can happen, or will happen with a “lets drill” mentality towards our dependence on oil.  We are going to need a plan, and understand that we will need to sacrifice to execute it.  So  seeing the leadership of half of the country rallying around “poor”….”downtrodden”…”misunderstood”….”picked on”…..”shakedown”…. BP, yes, this is not only disheartening, but also should fill us all with true fear.  Because, ponder this folks….if we are so very  willing to sacrifice the shrimpers and fishermen of the Gulf Coast, to destroy an entire ecosystem, to ruin the economies of half a dozen states, if we are willing to do this to our fellow AMERICANS…what are we willing to do to anyone else?   What WON’T we do to feed this  addiction, that is becoming more and more obvious that we do not have the will to even think about breaking?  Think about it when you go to vote in November, it does not matter what party or entity at this point, will you vote for big oil, or for the good of the country and the world?  Google your choices and see what they have said and where they stand…on all of this, from the subject of corporate responsibility to energy independence. Yes, for a change Its really that simple!

On a semi-related subject, the news de-jour a few days ago was the revelation that War Torn Afghanistan might be one huge mining pit….as opposed to the money and blood pit that its been for the worlds great powers for so many years.  I don’t know about you, but this is probably the worse thing that could happen to those people there. We all know the drill, the big companies..the BP’s of the world’s mining industry will be descending upon the place soon , they will pay off the corrupt officials, rape and plunder the landscape, and someday we will watch National Geographic specials on how the environment has been destroyed, the water and air poisoned, the companies involved  squealing; “we did not cause the 900% increase in cancer that started a year after our mine went in…more study is needed, bla, bla..”  The thing is, the computer I am using to process this, and the one that gets it to you, and all of the ones in-between, the cars we drive, the electrical system we survive on,  it all needs the rare elements that will be mined in Afghanistan! Maybe it can be done differently this time. Somehow I’m not feeling the optimism. Can you say, “its almost time to migrate to another planet and start fucking that one up?”  Ah, well, this is a good time to cut this train of thought off and concoct a nice stiff green apple Martini………..

Our ubiquitous national delicacy has been all over the news lately.  The gangbang burger, which has been around for a while, all of a sudden seems to be mentioned more nowadays…do ya think that McDonald’s would have the nerve to actually market it as that?  And Friendly’s has come out with this incredible monstrosity, the “grilled cheese burger melt”.  This thing is basically a burger between two grilled cheeseburgers, that’s what was substituted for the bun. If I end up on death row, I’m going to order 3 of those suckers for my last meal, with 870 calories from fat, 79 grams of saturated fat, and 2090 grams of sodium….EACH…one would have a pretty good chance of  beating the system, don’t you think? “ I don’t know what happened, warden, her plate was empty and there was a smile on her face…” But the “big cheese” of the week (ok, a little pun intended), was when the Prez took the Russian Premier and their entourages to Ray’s Hell Burgers, where they chowed down on some of the specials there.  Our guy got a cheeseburger, and it was reported that the Ruskie ordered a burger with mushrooms and Jalapenos…and then disarmed.  Or maybe thought about it.  Now admit it, isn’t that cooler than one of those stuffy state dinners with 10 forks, 20 plates, hummingbird eggs basted in pine nuts and all of that other weird crap  that passes for “food” at one of those things?

Ok folks, gotta run, I’ll make the usual promise to update more often…just as soon as I can get my  cloning experiment to work right!  Bye for now……….

I’ve been waiting to do an entry until some definitive moment signaling that this event…(that would be the oil spill in the Gulf),  was reaching a conclusion. Then, as I realized that there was not going to be any “mission accomplished” moment, I went thru assorted stages of outrage, outraged that the lust for money and power  has been allowed to quite literally do anything that it wanted to do in order to feed the addiction of a society willing to destroy the planet in order to maintain the status quo of its consumption.  At the same time, the numbing realization that nothing but business as usual was going to prevail permeated thru virtually every breathless news flash, article, and talking head. Taking the lead in ignorance and stupidly, of course, were the usual suspects on the fringes of sanity.  Rush Limbaugh, drooling his wit and wisdom of how its “natural” and “normal” for the ocean to be full of oil.  Then blustering “I told you so, see there is no oil”.  As he is the spokesman for the Republican party, its obvious that about ½ of the country does not grasp the fact that only  parts  of crude oil are lighter than water, most all of it is far heavier. (For those of you that need clarification and are dismayed that Rush  might be wrong , go to Home Depot and get yourself a can of roofing tar.  Make a baseball sized ball of the stuff, drop it in the bathtub besides your rubber duck, and let us know how it floats.)  The buffoon  spent several hours on this  subject with his flock calling in ditto-heading him, naturally.  Neil Cavuto, who passes for smart on Fox News, the same Cavuto who gave a speech late in 2007 about how folks were over-reacting to the crashing Real Estate Market – a week into this ecological  disaster, gave a speech blabbering about  those “blaming Bush/Cheney”.  Yes Neil, I know, in retrospect it truly is a fucking shame that, on the day he was elected, Obama could not have fired every single incompetent, big business loving and rubber stamping  far right loon that the Bush/Cheney  administration stocked every area of government with.  Especially Cheney’s pet  agency , the Minerals Management Service.  I think my current favorite story about this outfit is that the oil companies would take the inspection forms and fill them out themselves.  They would write in pencil, so that their beurocratic lackey could then use his own handwriting in pen….after all, we must keep up appearances, right?  Yes Neil, it was a shame that Obama did not have the foresight to realize what was going to be in store for us and fire the entire agency right away.  So yes, Neil.. and to anyone else who wonders, this IS a disaster straight from the administration that keeps on giving…that would be the Bush/Cheney disaster.  Brit Hume, a couple of weeks in, also wondered, “where is the oil”.  And another tea party wet dream, Rand Paul, who thinks that discrimination of people for the color of their skin should be a right of business, criticized the President for being “too hard” on the poor, defenseless oil company BP. The same BP that is running propaganda here on radio, saying, among other things ; “…Booms are keeping the oil safely offshore.”  To this piece of political crap I say, “roll around a bit in a Louisiana bayou for a while right now and see how you feel, Mr. Tea-Bagger.”    The short-sightedness and ignorance of these people is breathtaking.
But there has been one voice silent…one shrill, shrewish, shrieking, haranguing, haggish fountain of gushing, vapid nonsense that has been absent. The Alaskan twit has been deep in her igloo, surfacing just a few days ago to squeal about Obama being in bed with the oil companies.  All one can do is wonder what sort of disaster is waiting to happen up in Caribou country due to decades of big oil running its own show there, while being rubber stamped by the same sort that was talking care of the wetlands of Louisiana.  I’m sure we will all learn one of these days. What a fucking farce this woman is.
And yet….as this disaster continues to unfold….right now…at this exact moment in time..here are the top ten subjects on Yahoo:  Tight Pants ban, Natalie Gulbis, Gary Coleman, Mariah Carey,Crystal Bowersox, Elizabeth Birnbaum, Tanning beds, Michael Jordan, X-51A wave rider, and last but not least, travel insurance.  At least the canning of the head of the MMS was more important than tanning beds….but a ban on tight pants…now THAT’S important!!!!  I mean, fuck oil slicks 20 miles long, 10 miles wide, 3000+feet deep!  Natalie Gulbis, the ex lay of the day for Big Ben, defending the poor boy…..MUCH more important then following the corporate crimes of the arrogant Brit CEO of BP  that ordered American newsmen, on American soil, not to take pictures of pelicans laying dead in pools of BP oil. Liability issues you understand, old chap!  And American Idol finalist signing record deals???!! WOW!!!! Who could possibly have time to think about the monster in the gulf destroying a way of life with THAT to chatter about like a pack of retarded hamsters!!!  After all, its Idol that pays the salaries of the propagandist of Fox News that keep 40% of the country breathtakingly uninformed.
But its more than that folks…much more.  See, all of the above is  yours truly’s frustrated ranting and it’s besides the point…never mind that it’s all true. Remember the old goat- who nowadays will say anything to cling to power,  standing beside the Alaskan twit during the election?  When she was chanting “drill baby drill”??  He stood their grinning, while the future tea partiers of America roared their approval? And where are those patriots, by the way??  You’d think that they could maybe channel some of their wit and wisdom, some of their hatred of the president towards big oil, don’t you?  Guess not, they are too busy cashing their  government issued social security checks, going to their government paid for Medicare/Medicaid doctors, collecting federal disaster checks from global climate change natural disasters, waiting for the government to intervene in the oil spill, etc.  All in all, they  are just too busy ranting about intrusive big government, I guess.
And where have the rest of us been? Hell, even far right loons are Americans!  So where have we all been?  Where have we been for, say, the last 30+ years?  See, we have had plenty of warning, you know. We can be forgiven for ignoring the obscure Shell Oil engineer King Hubbert, who, in that long ago time of 1957 wrote that US peak oil production would come around 1970 (it peaked in 1972) and that world production would peak in 2008 (it did).  I mean hey, the stuff was cheap, anyone remember gas price wars, and getting green or blue stamps as a reward for buying gasoline?  So us, and the rest of the world for that matter, could be forgiven for keeping our heads shoved up our collective asses…until  1973 that is.
The Yom Kippur war and the subsequent oil embargo of 1973 was a true wake up call.  And boy we sure listened!! We realized that  backing both sides in a centuries old religious conflict was insane, not to mention getting over 10% of our oil from that area of the world.  So we took drastic steps to force conservation by doing the only thing that can possibly be effective in a free market society, we added a massive gas tax.  At the same time, we totally revamped our mass transit system, we went on a crash program building safe nuclear reactors, we explored and built huge massive wind farms, and we grew huge amounts of ethanol.  And, of course, we instituted a crash program to use our coal reserves to make gasoline, after all, the process is so old Hitler fought WWII with it. We did all of those things, along with being more even-handed in the middle east……..wait….that was THE REST OF THE WORLD!!! Everyone else did that!!!!  We kept our heads shoved up our asses, and kept electing politicians who would tell us what we wanted to hear, “free gas is your birthright”, and do what we wanted , keep the shit cheap!  The rest of the world did what they had to do, made gas 10 dollar a gallon, did not lard cars up with marshmallows to cushion the impacts we would have because we are too busy fiddling with the fucking gadgets in 2 ton SUV’s then to drive the damn things.  We continue to mindlessly support both sides in the Middle East, now getting 30% of our oil from there.  And the most popular radio talk show host is a fucking asshole named “Rush”, who encourages his listeners to keep their cars idling all day and to turn every light in the house on during earth day.  And while the far right was doing its part to ensure the country stayed in the stone age while the rest of the world moved foreward, the left was not sitting around the campfire singing kumbaya.  No sirree!  They were making sure that cars could crash into walls…..have you ever driven a car head on into a wall?  Me neither.  Yet this is somehow relevant to car construction.  Never mind that cars weigh hundreds of pounds more than they need to weigh.  Someone   wrote just today how amazed he is that more cars do not get over 30 mpg.  Christ, how can they? Have you ever tried to drive around in a safe???  But my old, 1972 Fiat does..38 to be exact.  I had a 1982 Rabbit Diesel that got 50+ mpg.  And a Honda Accord that got 40+.  It’s not rocket science folks.   But it does require common sense thinking, and not being influenced by nattering beuracitic twits who dream about all of us riding around on bicycles or donkeys.  No, we need gadgets to play with while we careen down the road, cocoons for interiors, and bumper car bumpers.  Anything but efficiency, hey who needs THAT, look at all of the oil rigs out in the gulf, we get the stuff for nothing, hell its our birthright!!  And who needs Nuclear power?  Never mind that the French have taken reactor safety and waste disposal to heights that we cannot even imagine.  No, the Left squeals “no new nukes”, and makes sure that it becomes impossible to build one.  I’m sure that there were many of those folks picketing a BP station the other day when I drove by.  I stopped for a min to see what was going on.  And I watched a couple get out of a Cadillac Escalade and dig a couple of signs out of the back and join the picket line.  Driving a 12 mpg  4,000 lb hunk of mechanical crap  to protest an oil company…Sweet.  I ask you, what is the difference in the mindset of that, and the tea partier carrying a sign saying “keep your government hands off of my Medicare”?  We are simply reaping what we are sowing, folks.  It’s what happens when the latest pile of vomit Lindsay Lohan wakes up in becomes more important to us than why we cannot even manufacture our own wind turbines…as if we really give a shit about putting any up anyway.
And over the years, every now and then, when  a senator or two attempts to  grow a spine and introduces  a bill mandating increased fuel economy standards, the following happens:  Big business, that would mean in this case the US car companies and oil companies summon their bought and paid for lackeys, the Republican lawmakers , and wail “ this is bad for business, you’ve got to stop this”. The fact that the Japanese and German companes can do this and make handsome profits at the same time is a bothersome fact to be ignored.  And their paid for stooges go and do their bidding.  And…on the other side…big labor summons THEIR bought and paid for lackeys, the Democratic lawmakers and wail “this is bad for jobs, you’ve got to stop this”.  And their respective bought and paid for stooges go and do their bidding.  All of this, of course, maintains the status-quo…i.e. nothing meaningful gets done.
The idiotic clean air act clause that allowed light trucks and SUVs to be classified as farm equipment, depreciated for healthy tax write-offs like a fucking tractor, allowed the auto industry to skate on CAFE, ensured that the roads would be filled with these things.  This was not changed until last year.  Had to get rid of the Republicans to get even a hint of progress.  And at the same time, big oil was allowed to do things like drill miles beneath the surface without a clue as to what to do if something ever went wrong. The same big oil that the former vice president, you know, the one who has nothing at all to do with the disaster, had secretly met to decide the energy policy of the country.  Have you seen or heard the slightest hint about anyone trying to find out about any of the secret meetings between Cheney and the oil companies?  Seen  any tea party pandering politician calling for transparency in the country’s energy policy? Or are they all too busy racing to see who can be the first one to call for the death penalty for an illegal immigrant caught without papers?  Don’t answer that.
Even now, like a junkie who is still in denial, one hears “we’ve got to keep drilling”.  Really? Why? God forbid we join the rest of the world who knows the petro-party is almost over.  No, we invade countries for their oil…..”mission accomplished”….and we make  jokes about  doing the right thing.  Look in the mirror.  Who did you vote for?  Who are you planning on voting for?  What do you drive?  How do you live?  We are all part of the same culture who produced the airhead from Alaska droolingly chanting “drill baby drill” We are all Palins now. God help us…  And the planet.

The other day I was driving down a main drag of my particular slice of the urban Florida landscape when lo and behold, I spotted…. a clown! Not just any clown, this was a dancing clown, he was prancing and dancing around, and holding a sign that said “come into Buster’s used cars, you’ll be happy you did”. Ok, the name was not Buster’s, to be honest with you I don’t remember the name of the joint. What I did remember was, that it was the middle of the day and  heat waves were shimmering off the asphalt that this poor guy had to dance around on. But he was not the only spectacle to be out this particular Sat afternoon.  There was the statue of liberty, courtesy  of Liberty taxes, a truly hideous piss yellow chicken, a dancing bear waving constantly, and a guy gussied up to be an Italian chef. This particular guy was truly being tortured, he was crouched down, knees bent, legs wide apart, holding a fairly large  sign for a local pizza joint with a large red arrow on it, and was constantly swinging the arrow towards the place. There were others, there must have been a dozen or more human billboards, all of them dressed in absurd garb that had to have been creating  130 degree inferno’s inside, eking out an existence. Obviously this is  a keep up with the Jones’ on this stretch of road business-wise. “Look at us, we are making enough money to hire our own pet”. Now having folks stand out in the street and make spectacles out of themselves is not a new thing, that’s for sure. But I’m noticing a subtle trend, the numbers of folks “employed” as  below minimum wage highway jesters is growing rapidly, as the “recovery” lurches along. But that’s not all. Where 5 years ago it was OK to stand out by the side of the road and just hold the sign, now these desperate folks are forced to perform tricks for the sick fucks that hire them in the first place. I can hear these guys now, “….and don’t let me catch you slacking one bit, we all have to do our part for the recovery.” Right bozo, and no, I’m not talking about the guy in the clown suit you are fucking. People who take advantage of the down and out of the world like what is going on right now should not even be in business! Why don’t they just hire someone for a real job? Or is  this an example of “compassionate conservatism?” It gets worse, I’m saving the best for last. There was this guy made up to look like Uncle Sam. And he was holding a sign, waving it actually that said…are you ready for this, sitting down, no heart condition…the sign said ” get your low interest FHA mortgage here”. Holy Shit! It’s come a full circle folks. Three years ago the guy holding the sign, probably had a real job…maybe a house. Now, thanks in no small part  to the fat cats of the mortgage industry this guy is now reduced to waving a sign for serf wages soliciting business for….that’s right people, the Mortgage Industry! Ya have to love the irony, it would be comical if it was not so heart-wrenching. Yet in some circles this, along with trading chickens for your heart surgery, crawling to a church when you are sick, this is what passes for capitalism in action. If this is true, than the deranged birthers are right, Armageddon is coming soon, we all need to arm our-selves to the teeth to protect ourselves from….the mutant birthers that will be crawling across the landscape.  Fuck it, I’m going on Ebay right now, where is a decent Tank  when you need one???

Corporate America never ceases  to amaze me. Remember about 6 months ago all of those adds that the soft drink companies were running? I’m talking about the ones with the concerned mother voice babbling “…now Congress wants to take away our children’s   choice and ban our teeth rotting, diabetes creating, chemical concoctions from school cafeteria’s across the land. Tell congress that you want your kid obese, with rotted teeth and full blown childhood diabetes,  etc and etc”. I think the sinister character of Anna on that cool new show  “V” was modeled after that voice.Well, congress actually somehow grew a spine and did pass some legislation restricting what can and can’t go into school cafeterias. So what do the new commercials say? Well, mother now says “…..And we have removed harmful soft drinks from the schools, and replaced them with healthy beverages.”  “After we fought tooth and nail against it.”  There is a Jewish word called “chutzpa”, and that describes the soft drink PR  guys to a T. I suppose we should count our blessings that they have not been putting arsenic in our soft drinks because it saves .0001 cents per can. They’re not, right?

I love professional Football, I really do. I’m sure most of you do as well. But don’t you get a little bit tired of the off-field shenanigans of their stars? Ben Roethlisberger is the latest case in point. Its pretty obvious that this guy has a problem when the alcohol in his system reacts with a hot chick strolling by. As in “lets rape the bitch, big guy.” In the world that most of the rest of us live in the Steelers would be quarterback hunting. Because Roethlisberger would be in the can, as well as banned for life from the NFL. That’s what Nascar does, you know. Get caught smoking pot, drugs in your system, you are banned for life. It’s not complicated at all, it’s very simple. That’s why Nascar’s people rarely screw up. But in the NFL?? LOL!! Look at how many guys are on their 15th “last chance”. Or their 20′th “second chance’.” Can you say “TO”? Or that thug Michal Vick? This is prevalent in both the NBA and the Major leagues of Baseball as well. Why are stick and ball jocks allowed to quite literally get away with murder (Ray Lewis), when the rest of us would be in Prison? The answer is simple, because they can. Great message these guys send to the kids, not to mention the rest of us. I remember some years ago when Michal Irvin whined “I am not a role model, I never signed on for that.” To which the great Darrell Waltrip addressed that weekend with “when you are a professional athlete, you ARE a role model, you do not have that choice, its who and what you are.” If there was one set of nuts in the rulers of the NFL, they would lay out a code of conduct that says something to the effect,”any action either on OR off  the field that is detrimental to the conduct or standards that a professional athlete should PERSONALLY  hold himself to shall result in a LIFETIME ban from the NFL.” Or the NBA. Or the New York Yankees. NASCAR has lived with this very well for over 50 years now, there is no reason that the rest of the sports world cannot learn from the France Family Dictatorship that runs professional stock car racing so very well.

Well, I wanted so much to go to 98Rockfest! Its this weekend at the St Pete Times Forum. Alice in Chains is such a cool band! Not to mention Limp Bizkit and all the rest.I still get loud and rowdy on occasion, and this was going to be one of those occasions. But, no rest for the weary, I am going to be partying doing what I do best…and you folks know what that is:)  And as always I procrastinated about buying tickets. Oh well, maybe I’ll have “Rooster”, “check my brain, “Man in a box” and all the rest blasting in the background, and  pretend its the old days on a Sun afternoon on Key Biscayne. Anyone remember the free concerts there? I think I do….lol! Take care everyone, bye for now.

Harry Truman famously would ask for a one armed economist, because they were always telling him “…but on the other hand.” I get that  same feeling at times, and I’m sure you do as well. Here are a couple of things that for me causes the  “……but on the other hand” conundrum to blossom.

I know that there are a whole bunch of  folks out there that are welcoming the ‘big brother’ take over of the cars we drive with open arms. Well, actually their arms are not really open, they are full of all of the electronic gadgets they are playing with as they careen down our highways and byways. Texting, chattering, preening for cameras, whacking off to internet porn, anything but that icky chore of actually DRIVING their fucking car! And the car companies are working hard to oblige those folks…and of course…as is always the case, dragging the rest of us along for the ‘ride’,whether we want to go or not.  We are in the beginning stages of cars that will be driving themselves before too long. One of the keys to this is knowing precisely  where the particular vehicle is, and that is where the GPS system comes in.  Once the stuff of fantasy and adventure movies, this military based technology is finding itself into fleets of cars as standard equipment. And that means no, you will not have a choice to say “thanks, but no, I don’t want my car controlled by a distant computer, our location monitored down to the fraction of a foot, every jab of the throttle, touch of the brake recorded for who knows what reason, vital vehicle  functions out of my control in the hands of….well….the voice in the dash.   No, I do not want a voice to come on saying “help is on the way”, when I have run into a dumpster someplace. Call me old school if you must, but I enjoy what used to be personal solitude when driving, and this is being stripped away from us in the guise of “this is sooooo helpful, and sooo politically correct, you must have this.”

“But on the other hand………..”, there is the subject of police chases. I cannot think of something  that is more ingrained into the social network yet is more useless and dangerous than lumbering four door police  cars, driven by testosterone fueled cops careening thru the streets, running stop signs, smashing into everything (and anyone)  in their path, pursuing a fleeing vehicle, the driver having done…..? Maybe has a loose license plate. That was the reason for a police chase that killed 4 people a few years ago in Texas.  A carload of teenage kids, 6 of them, were killed when their car rolled down an embankment after a high speed chase in upstate NY. Their crime? “We don’t know why they ran”, explained the chief at a news conference. “There were no drugs found, none of them had been drinking, there were no warrants,  and the car was owned by the driver’s parents. They must have fled for the thrill of the chase” The thrill of the chase. That’s the reason that society gives as justification for snuffing out 6 young lives???  A 75 year old Grandmother was killed  when a cop flew thru the intersection at over 100 mph chasing a motorcycle for gods sake, smashed into another car, flipped thru the air and landed upside down on top of the mother and grandmother as she sat  at a bus bench.  This is fucking bullshit.  I could write all day for days, these things happen over and over again. The cops line is always the same “we’re just doing our job, we don’t know what the warrant is, you are supposed to obey an officer, yadda yadda”. Well, I DON’T GIVE A SHIT!! There is no place in society for this nonsense!

So now we have the one armed man striding into the fray. Because “on the one hand”, our cars are being taken away from us personally and handed over to society in general. Ultimately, we are losing control of them, and it’s happening sooner rather than later. But “on the other hand”, the entire concept of the police chase, is about to join our gramophones, 33 albums, 8 track tape machines, Pak Man, IBM 360′s, etc as quaint relics of bygone times. Because as the GM On-Star commercials show, and as facts on the ground are demonstrating, these modern, computer controlled cars can be instantly disabled  by a few strokes on the keyboard, thereby rendering the carnage of the car chase a moot point. So we lose our personal privacy, yet gain safety……didn’t Ben Franklin say something about this?

Living in pain, and that would be extreme pain, is something that no-one should have to endure, and thankfully very few of us have to live with something like this.  Unfortunately, my closest soul-mate and friend  had to do just that recently. Because he is cantankerous and very stubborn, he was in total denial about needing a hip replacement. A series of completely incompetent doctors incapable of properly reading and interpreting a new fangled thing called an X-Ray did not help metters . The above-mentioned quacks also refused to prescribe anything to relieve pain that actually, well, relieved pain, rationing out liver eating Darvocet   as if they were doing  him a huge favor. The bottom line was that by the time it was finally determined beyond any doubt that he had an extremely arthritic hip and surgery was finally scheduled about 6 weeks later, the pain was unbearable.

So, like many others, he went to one of the pain clinics, the ones that grandstanding attention grabbing clowns masquerading as   journalists love to send undercover cameras into. There he received a script for Oxycontin, 10 mg four times a day, which soon turned into 20 mg four times a day. that’s what it took so that he could semi function. After 30 days he went back again, and then received 40 mg pills to take twice a day. That held him until the surgery, and allowed him to recover afterwords.  This drug does as advertised, it kills pain, that is the bottom line. No muss, no fuss, for folks who have horrible pain, that does not end, this makes it go away, without destroying the liver and other body parts in the process.

But with this particular staple of society,  “on the other hand” is not far away either. My guy found this out when he said “ok, now I’ll quit”. This is a man who quit cigarettes cold turkey from 4 packs a day. No patch, no crutch, no nothing.  Who quit drinking with no help, no AA, no Jesus, nothing but an iron will. So what could possibly be the big deal stopping something that was started less than two months ago, right? Well after 10 hours of wretching, dry heaves, blood pressure spiking, unable to breathe at times and going into convolutions, he discovered yet another dark side to this synthetic monster invented to “assist” heroin addicts in kicking that habit. Along with the being impossible to sleep without massive doses of sleeping pills. Terrible anxiety attacks. Feeling that you are drowning at times. Oh, and if you just quit taking it? You well might die. It took him another trip to the pain doctor for a series of lower doses,  and an additional  month to finally be rid of this terrible monkey. If you were to do something as simple as grind up one of the time release pills, you will most probably either end up in the emergency room not breathing, or on a slab in the morgue. To stay on the founding father’s theme, this drug perfectly fits the description George Washington said of government “Government is like fire, a feared servant and a terrible Master.” But…..when you have unbearable pain, yet are not a terminal cancer patient,  this is where you will end up, there is not much other choice. It’s a classic “On the one hand…….. but  yet on the other hand”.

And it’s not necessarily about choices, either. Sooner or later, most everyone will be in a car who’s location will be exactly pinpointed 24/7. Any deviation from the norm will trigger a response from the “safety net”, you will not have a choice. But 16 year old kids will not have their brains splattered onto the steering wheel because they showed their age by fleeing authority at 3 am. Of course, no more slow speed OJ chase scenes, but we can live without that.

And if something unfortunate befalls us and we need something to make life bearable and livable again, we need to be able to make that choice. Yes it’s unfortunate if someone’s son or daughter abuses a drug, but that should not mean that who knows how many should suffer because of bad parenting. We all deal with that one armed man masquerading as conundrums all the time, life is about choices and chance, and not a whole hell of a lot else, when you come right down to it!

I finally got around to seeing “The Bounty Hunter” the other day. After 4 days of the intensity of the St Petersburg Grand Prix, coupled with torrential downpours on the aforementioned track and all of it’s inhabitants,  I wanted something drama free. No bombs, zombies, vampires or demons. No serial killers, battles that changed history, end of the world chaos, large boats sinking, and please God,  no serious chick flicks!  I wanted to be entertained, nothing more and nothing less. And once again, yours truly’s instincts were correct.  Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler are charming in this flick!  It’s a nice, entertaining movie.  It’s a light comedy, the action is not intense, and that’s certainly by design.  Not really a chick flick, not really  an action movie, not really a  comedy, it is in a nice little niche,  and its well worth seeing.  But you would never, ever know this if you were to have read any of the reviews.  Across the board, the pompous, full of themselves blabbering idiots that pass for movie “reviewers”, acting in lockstep, trashed this entertaining movie from one end to the other.  And yet…..the regular folks who actually went and saw it, liked it, well whattaya know about that!!!  Like so much in life, it’s like what a very nice antique dealer friend of mine once told me “buy with your eyes, not with your ears.” I thought the trailers looked good, I like both of the stars, the premise of the movie made me smile right off the bat, so hey, I went to see it and was not disappointed.  Moral of the story: do not let idiots decide for you want to see, listen to, read, etc.  In fact, I have taken totally to watching Brian Williams for nightly news, just because far right wingbag Bill O’Rilley said NOT to watch him!!  LOL!!  Shove that up your pipe,  Mr. Tea Bagger!!

On the subject of movies, I have figured out why “The Hurt Locker” cleaned “Avatar’s” clocks at the Academy Awards.  Red State Americans howled and screamed about it, they dislike every movie about the Bush/Cheney Oil war anyway.  Collective guilty conscience, I’m thinking.    But the reason it got shot down had nothing to do with politics.  And it would be easy to say that it was Hollywood wanting to poke a stick in James Cameron’s eye. You know, giving it all to Kathryn Bigelow, who, besides being Cameron’s ex, of course also directed the movie that wiped out his at the Oscar’s. But again, tempting as it may be, that was not the reason either.  No, I think that Hollywood still values humans and acting.  You see, as spectacular as Avatar was/is, the facts are that most all of that movie  was computer generated, and the rest of it was done in front of a green screen.  And I think that the Powers that be in Hollywood are  not quite comfortable saying “we are ready to be replaced by geeks typing into supercomputers”.   The heartland obviously could care less, for exhibit A I give you the Alaskan Twit who thinks Africa is a country.  All show, no substance.  We are in the age of “American Idol”, where form is king, and no-one cares a rat’s ass about substance.  I think Hollywood still cares though, I think that was the pushback on awards night. And while I personally enjoyed “Avatar” much more than “The Hurt Locker”, I applaud the mindset, as subconscious as it might have been, that said humans still rule over machines!  Having said that, I’m sure Skynet or its evil twin is being built as we speak……

This must be a new driver!

This weekend I am spending most of my time hanging out at the track for the Grand Prix of St. Petersburg. Nothing can beat being out on a gorgeous Florida Spring day in the sun watching names like Tony Kanaan, Marco Andretti and Danica Patrick battling for the best starting spot for Sunday’s race! Will Power hung on for the Pole, with Tony Kanaan and Scott Dixon taking the second and third spots. Read more

More bad news today, and that’s besides the housing market getting worse, not to mention  the apparent fact that screwball Rush Limbaugh is not going to move to Costa Rica as he threatened to do if the unwashed masses (aka you and me) got access to something resembling decent health care, the latest affront somehow seemed personal in some way way.  While things like this can have a good ending, it looks like Dennis Hopper is dying of cancer. Read more

Have you noticed the increase in head hunting (job websites, employment agency’s) that cater to jobs that pay in excess of 100K a year? This is not a joke, it’s quite real, you see, there is a truly monstrous disconnect in our society that goes largely unnoticed and unreported. And here it is: the unemployment rate of those making over 150K a year is 3%. The unemployment rate of those who make under 12K a year: 30%. Think about that for a min, folks. Lets put this in a slightly different slant: If you make 2,880 dollars a week, 97% of you folks are employed. If, on the other hand you make about 230 dollars a week, then about 70% of you folks are currently working. Its a pretty stark contrast, isn’t it? Do you think this helps explain the lack of urgency of our lawmakers? Maybe explain the obscene stunt that Republican Congressman pulled, holding up unemployment benefits for millions to “take a stand” against spending? While the same dirtbag voted to spend hundreds of billions to bail out his wall street buddies? Maybe it helps explain why Tom Delay said last week that unemployment benefits ‘encourage people not to work’. Oh, and in case you were wondering, the starting pay for those guys and gals is $174,000  a year……and don’t forget those great health insurance packages that come with that. Yep, don’t you just feel how those people really give a shit about your mortgage and your family?

Just heard on the news that strangely enough the guy in California who’s Toyota Prius  allegedly was  possessed by Satan or something,  just might be trying to pull a scam. Gosh, you think?  Apparently I was the only one who listened to the news du jour last week on this absurd farce and said, “this guy is full of shit”.  All the talking heads on all the networks, CNN, Fox, ABC, NBC, CBS, were crapping in their cages, hyperventilating about “his car reached 90 mph”.  And then the 911 call “it won’t stop”.  Folks, think about all this for a moment. They always have time to reach down and tug on the pedal, make phone calls, call 911, play on Twitter, call their lawyers, write a will, who knows what, but…THEY CAN’T PUT THE DAMN CAR IN NEUTRAL!!  In fact, this particular scammer was asked by 911 “have you tried to put the car in neutral”.  Of course not, he was too busy making phone calls, playing on the laptop, who knows what!   Turns out the guy is buried in credit card debt.  Who would have thunk it?  Here’s a clue folks, the odds of your state of the art newer car flying down the road with a stuck throttle  are far less than  being hit by lightning … Seriously.  Ninety people are killed yearly by lightning.  Now Think of how many millions of, say Toyota’s there are out there. Out of all of these cars, there have been about 50 wrecks from this “problem”.  About half the number of lightning deaths. Of course, it’s much easier (and far more profitable)  to blame the car companies for the wreck  than admit one was playing with a radio, trying to moonwalk on the hood, the ubiquitous texting,  and just maybe, about 80% of the drivers on the road can’t drive a fucking nail, much less a motorized vehicle.  Regardless, if you just got singed by a close lightning bolt,  lost your winning powerball ticket, AND  your throttle does in fact stick,  no need to panic, here is all you have to do…PUT THE VEHICLE IN NATURAL!!  That’s it. Nothing else. In layman’s terms you have disconnected the transmission from the driving wheels, the car WILL NOT accelerate anymore, it CAN’T!  Then just apply the brakes slowly, and you will come to a stop. End of story. BTW, about Neutral that’s the “N” on your console, the one you blow by on your way to either “P”, “R”, or “D”.  Try it a couple of times, and you are good to go. If your one of the few, like me, who drive stick often, depress the clutch and take it out of gear. Crisis over. One last thing,  you can thank me for this advice and knowledge  that might save your ass someday  by putting your cell phone away while you are driving and pay attention, remember MOTORCYCLES ARE EVERYWHERE!